Mon Voyage…Ma Vie

Life has always been good to me that’s why in my own little way, I return whatever blessings I have by showing goodness to every person I meet.  But I remember clearly what a co-teacher once wrote me during our retreat, that I shouldn’t try too hard to please everyone. Perhaps, that friend of mine saw how I was spreading out myself thinly (and that’s speaking figuratively) in trying to accede to the wishes of others.

To be always sensitive to the needs of others is what I believe in and practice. But maybe, I’ve always been too sensitive to their needs for my own good. I am not wont to confronting people even when I feel bad already.  So when I feel down, you can just find me back in my reflective mood.

Just last week, I felt this ebbing point. Sleep didn’t seem to be on my agenda as I cried silently at 2 AM.

At that moment, I wasn’t exactly sure what I was feeling. I knew that I was sad; I was tired. Some things were just taking their toll.  But as I cried, I also felt ashamed that I was feeling that way because my reasons for crying seemed to be petty.  Suddenly, faces of people whose lives have always been in the pit flashed in my mind.  What gave me the right to complain when I am actually living a good life? Why am I crying when my being enervated does not even compare to the hardships of other people?  Those two questions I immediately had to ask myself.  Precisely at that instance, I felt guilty for entertaining self-serving complaints. 

Thank God for my husband who’s been one of my best friends too all these years. Upon seeing me, he was naturally concerned about my emotional state at that time.  After confiding in him my initial thoughts and sharing my realizations afterwards, his encouraging words lifted up my spirits. Not long after three in the morning, I was already in dreamland, snoozing to my heart’s content.

When I woke up 7 hours after, I welcomed the brightness that the sun’s rays offered. The good cry I let out several hours before made me feel emotionally unburdened. I faced the day with a smile on my face and a renewed vigor, with a promise of continuing to do what is good and right for everyone around me.

So what about my lacrimal glands? They’re momentarily inactive. But do cry once in a while. It’s ok. It’s good for the soul.

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